I made a bereavement walk in the morning before I returned to Brisbane on 7/1/2011 after a counselling training trip to Changsha China. I set off first to the Pokfulam Road Christian Cemetery薄扶林道基督教墳場and then to Central to pay respect to my three beloved patriarchs.
First, to my minor Grandmother庶祖母-- Ah Ma音阿女麻, who sacrificed her whole life from youth to old age for our family. She was the second wife of my Grandfather whom I have never met. He was a Chinese Diaspora working in Mexico墨西哥then El Salvador薩爾瓦多for almost his entire life. He went back to home town in JiuJiang九江 and Hong Kong for very brief period. He left my paternal Grandmother and father in China and headed back to continue his bread winning life journey in overseas. My minor Grand mother was picked as my Grand father’s concubine in his last trip home. The intention was to get a helping hand to look after my Grand mother who had diabetes and my teenage father at the time. Minor Grandmother was married to my grand father because her own family was too poor to survive, so she had to sacrifice herself to be my Grand father’s concubine. In a sense it was a marriage of convenience though they did have a genuine affection nurtured during the honey moon period. They only spent half a year together in our home town then they never met each other since then. Despite the inferior status as a concubine, she treated all of us as if her own flesh and blood descendents. For a prolonged period, she was the only person left to look after us from teen to adolescent age while my parents both had gone to join my Grand father to earn the living for the family in El Salvador. She loved us and gave us the best at her own expenses. When we were young, we just could not understand the deep grief she had for an eternal separation from our Grandfather. Every now and then, she could not contain her grief and sadness that she fell numb in bed for a day or two uttering murmur of grievance perhaps towards the unknown supreme being controlling her fate. In retrospect, I believe it was God’s grace for her to vent out her grievance in such a natural way ( we called it入塢, or docking for recuperation) without the help of nowadays counselling service.
At her ash cubic slot Block 8 G/F D810 which is on the upper most level, I looked up to her picture on the tomb stone while all the past memory about her mentioned above flashed back in my brain. I paid tribute to her contribution not just to our own family but to the community and to our mother land at large which could be great if and only if we learned from her to serve our country with dedication and commitment especially to stand by with those marginalized and oppressed people in the society.
Then, to my father (Ba Bah音罷爸), at G209 also at the Pokfulam Road Christian Cemetery, which is on the second lowest level. I kneeled to talk to him with my hearty thanks for his lifelong hard work aiming to give us a better future through good education irrespective of the despise and let down by family members and friends. In a sense he was inheriting the spirit of self sacrifice for the family from my Grandfather and my minor Grandmother. I was glad that his time of separation from my mother was comparatively short when he left me at the age of eleven years old with my mother joining him three years later in El Salvador. All our siblings have learnt from their pitiful experience of long separation with spouse that we all have managed to stay together with our own close family. But still the fate of long separation prevails in our family that, my mother has become a widow for 14 years since 1997. The only compensation my mother has is a caring daughter who again sacrifices her own personal private life and career to return from Australia to accompany her in Hong Kong. My eldest son also returned to Hong Kong and has lived physically with her since 2003. The ultimate comfort for my mother is that we all will have our family reunion in heaven in eternality. Kneeling down to talk to my father at his ash cubic tomb just recalled all the good memories when he brought me out for a stroll every week end at the Kadoorie Avenue(舊譯嘉多利道，1969年10月10日改為現名嘉道理道). I am privileged to be the favoured and spoiled child of both my minor Grand mother and my father. The tomb stone really has cast no distance at all between myself and my two beloved patriarchs though we are now a world apart.
Last but not the least, to Szeto Wah司徒華, a freedom fighter in Christ. I went to the condolence memorial booth set up in front of the Hong Kong Legislative Council in the Central by noon. I saluted him for his incessant pursuit for ultimate vindication of the June 4th lost souls and the eventual liberation of the hearts of the Chinese people that we may one day have no more fear to be convicted for speaking out and speaking up. His legacy is great, bringing up the next generations of freedom lovers to continue his dream. I hope we all can be part of the torch runners薪火相傳接棒者till the dreams of our patriarchs come true, in His time.
At the time of writing this article, I am back to Brisbane already. But I feel as if my journey of bereavement has not been over yet. The grief emotions for the separation by death with my minor grand mother, my father and my respected Szeto Wah were heavy but still it could be relieved after my visits to their tombs or memorial place. We are a world apart but we are in the same realm of God in eternity so I can be comforted by this sense of eternal connection. But my grief of losing my umbilical connection with my beloved motherland has deepened after this counselling trip to Changsha. Although there is no tomb stone separating myself and my beloved mother land, I feel the deepest trouble of separation by an invisible wall or a big gap in value and ideology. One of the concrete examples that has triggered my sadness of such invisible separation is that, the CUAAAQLD blog is not accessible in China like many other news websites that have no self censorship on sensitive words.(*1) I am almost certain that because of the presence of many sensitive words such as刘曉波、空凳、六四, in my articles, CUAAAQLD blog is banned in China.
On 1/1/2011, while taking a rest in Hong Kong after the energy draining Counselling trip to Changsha, I watched the year end wrap up review documentary on TVB. My ambivalent emotion over our beloved mother land was stirred up again following the interwoven reports of the progress and achievements of China in economics development and success in holding many international events (Shanghai Expo, Asian Game etc) in contrast to the dark side on the suppression on freedom of speech and the lack of democracy. I felt warmth by the caring kindness face of Premier Wan Jiabo温家寶, and the pragmatic and positive manner of Chairman Hu Jinto胡錦濤. I could not thank them enough for their hard works and dedication in running a country of 1.3 Billions amongst countries and power bloc on such a complicated international political stage with a difficult inherent cultural complex at home. My heart ached with tears when I saw the sacrifice of those Human Rights Activists who are still experiencing severe oppression and persecution such as Liu Xiaobo刘曉波, Chang Lianhai 張連海and Tam Chaukren 譚作人. I am really at a loss, what and where is the source of pulling back power that contributed to this great disparity of imbalanced development between economic and political reforms. I begin to doubt it is not created by any single person (i.e. our leaders), power groups (i.e. the Communist Party or local governments). It is a result of the general lack of sense of security by all people after the trauma of the Cultural Revolution wiping out the whole moral system. People fear of expressing their own opinions for just and righteousness sake in fear of ruining relationships and disrupting harmony. You can see the motto harmony every where, from Olympic motto to the bullet train. So the general complex is, we need harmony by suppressing voice of difference in opinions even they are right.
Our Changsha counselling trip was aiming at dealing with these twisted perceptions of handling emotions. We all know the importance of emotion management for helping people deal with some aspects of emotion that they have failed to handle because of negative events in their lives especially childhood. The counselling programs were very tiring and energy exhausting. When facing the deep wounds of a life time of so many people in a concentrated time and space, a Counsellor will just drain dry emotionally so that is why I have to take a rest in HKG before going back to my church work in Brisbane. It is always very satisfying after you have met and touched so many precious souls seeing them being delivered from their bondage and finding a way out for their burdened lives. All the tears and anguish shared with them are worthwhile and rewarding.
I hope once the lives of majority if not all of our compatriots are transformed, it would give the future democratic development of our country a better platform. Freedom of speech and upholding of human rights can only be done when people regain the sense of complete security for nurturing true mutual acceptance despite of differences.
May the hand of God keep doing His life transforming work in China so that our mother country will be restored back to her initial status as God's Land 5000 year ago. And may more people having received the top line blessings of God be mobilized to bring the bottom line blessings to every people groups in all corners of our mother land.
Finally, may my Journey of Bereavement end where it is because of the long lasting hope that we could see in the real life transformation of people hearts for good in China.
(*1) 中國犀利Gag﹕china與敏感瓷(明報)2011年1月6日 星期四 05:05
【明報專訊】我們來自景德鎮，那裏盛產杯具和餐具，最著名的就是敏感瓷。我們還分官窑和民窑，官窑專出敏感瓷，民窑盡出杯具。（註﹕普通話「瓷」與「詞」同音、「杯具」與「悲劇」同音，「餐具」與「慘劇」近音。）
First, to my minor Grandmother庶祖母-- Ah Ma音阿女麻, who sacrificed her whole life from youth to old age for our family. She was the second wife of my Grandfather whom I have never met. He was a Chinese Diaspora working in Mexico墨西哥then El Salvador薩爾瓦多for almost his entire life. He went back to home town in JiuJiang九江 and Hong Kong for very brief period. He left my paternal Grandmother and father in China and headed back to continue his bread winning life journey in overseas. My minor Grand mother was picked as my Grand father’s concubine in his last trip home. The intention was to get a helping hand to look after my Grand mother who had diabetes and my teenage father at the time. Minor Grandmother was married to my grand father because her own family was too poor to survive, so she had to sacrifice herself to be my Grand father’s concubine. In a sense it was a marriage of convenience though they did have a genuine affection nurtured during the honey moon period. They only spent half a year together in our home town then they never met each other since then. Despite the inferior status as a concubine, she treated all of us as if her own flesh and blood descendents. For a prolonged period, she was the only person left to look after us from teen to adolescent age while my parents both had gone to join my Grand father to earn the living for the family in El Salvador. She loved us and gave us the best at her own expenses. When we were young, we just could not understand the deep grief she had for an eternal separation from our Grandfather. Every now and then, she could not contain her grief and sadness that she fell numb in bed for a day or two uttering murmur of grievance perhaps towards the unknown supreme being controlling her fate. In retrospect, I believe it was God’s grace for her to vent out her grievance in such a natural way ( we called it入塢, or docking for recuperation) without the help of nowadays counselling service.
At her ash cubic slot Block 8 G/F D810 which is on the upper most level, I looked up to her picture on the tomb stone while all the past memory about her mentioned above flashed back in my brain. I paid tribute to her contribution not just to our own family but to the community and to our mother land at large which could be great if and only if we learned from her to serve our country with dedication and commitment especially to stand by with those marginalized and oppressed people in the society.
Then, to my father (Ba Bah音罷爸), at G209 also at the Pokfulam Road Christian Cemetery, which is on the second lowest level. I kneeled to talk to him with my hearty thanks for his lifelong hard work aiming to give us a better future through good education irrespective of the despise and let down by family members and friends. In a sense he was inheriting the spirit of self sacrifice for the family from my Grandfather and my minor Grandmother. I was glad that his time of separation from my mother was comparatively short when he left me at the age of eleven years old with my mother joining him three years later in El Salvador. All our siblings have learnt from their pitiful experience of long separation with spouse that we all have managed to stay together with our own close family. But still the fate of long separation prevails in our family that, my mother has become a widow for 14 years since 1997. The only compensation my mother has is a caring daughter who again sacrifices her own personal private life and career to return from Australia to accompany her in Hong Kong. My eldest son also returned to Hong Kong and has lived physically with her since 2003. The ultimate comfort for my mother is that we all will have our family reunion in heaven in eternality. Kneeling down to talk to my father at his ash cubic tomb just recalled all the good memories when he brought me out for a stroll every week end at the Kadoorie Avenue(舊譯嘉多利道，1969年10月10日改為現名嘉道理道). I am privileged to be the favoured and spoiled child of both my minor Grand mother and my father. The tomb stone really has cast no distance at all between myself and my two beloved patriarchs though we are now a world apart.
Last but not the least, to Szeto Wah司徒華, a freedom fighter in Christ. I went to the condolence memorial booth set up in front of the Hong Kong Legislative Council in the Central by noon. I saluted him for his incessant pursuit for ultimate vindication of the June 4th lost souls and the eventual liberation of the hearts of the Chinese people that we may one day have no more fear to be convicted for speaking out and speaking up. His legacy is great, bringing up the next generations of freedom lovers to continue his dream. I hope we all can be part of the torch runners薪火相傳接棒者till the dreams of our patriarchs come true, in His time.
At the time of writing this article, I am back to Brisbane already. But I feel as if my journey of bereavement has not been over yet. The grief emotions for the separation by death with my minor grand mother, my father and my respected Szeto Wah were heavy but still it could be relieved after my visits to their tombs or memorial place. We are a world apart but we are in the same realm of God in eternity so I can be comforted by this sense of eternal connection. But my grief of losing my umbilical connection with my beloved motherland has deepened after this counselling trip to Changsha. Although there is no tomb stone separating myself and my beloved mother land, I feel the deepest trouble of separation by an invisible wall or a big gap in value and ideology. One of the concrete examples that has triggered my sadness of such invisible separation is that, the CUAAAQLD blog is not accessible in China like many other news websites that have no self censorship on sensitive words.(*1) I am almost certain that because of the presence of many sensitive words such as刘曉波、空凳、六四, in my articles, CUAAAQLD blog is banned in China.
On 1/1/2011, while taking a rest in Hong Kong after the energy draining Counselling trip to Changsha, I watched the year end wrap up review documentary on TVB. My ambivalent emotion over our beloved mother land was stirred up again following the interwoven reports of the progress and achievements of China in economics development and success in holding many international events (Shanghai Expo, Asian Game etc) in contrast to the dark side on the suppression on freedom of speech and the lack of democracy. I felt warmth by the caring kindness face of Premier Wan Jiabo温家寶, and the pragmatic and positive manner of Chairman Hu Jinto胡錦濤. I could not thank them enough for their hard works and dedication in running a country of 1.3 Billions amongst countries and power bloc on such a complicated international political stage with a difficult inherent cultural complex at home. My heart ached with tears when I saw the sacrifice of those Human Rights Activists who are still experiencing severe oppression and persecution such as Liu Xiaobo刘曉波, Chang Lianhai 張連海and Tam Chaukren 譚作人. I am really at a loss, what and where is the source of pulling back power that contributed to this great disparity of imbalanced development between economic and political reforms. I begin to doubt it is not created by any single person (i.e. our leaders), power groups (i.e. the Communist Party or local governments). It is a result of the general lack of sense of security by all people after the trauma of the Cultural Revolution wiping out the whole moral system. People fear of expressing their own opinions for just and righteousness sake in fear of ruining relationships and disrupting harmony. You can see the motto harmony every where, from Olympic motto to the bullet train. So the general complex is, we need harmony by suppressing voice of difference in opinions even they are right.
Our Changsha counselling trip was aiming at dealing with these twisted perceptions of handling emotions. We all know the importance of emotion management for helping people deal with some aspects of emotion that they have failed to handle because of negative events in their lives especially childhood. The counselling programs were very tiring and energy exhausting. When facing the deep wounds of a life time of so many people in a concentrated time and space, a Counsellor will just drain dry emotionally so that is why I have to take a rest in HKG before going back to my church work in Brisbane. It is always very satisfying after you have met and touched so many precious souls seeing them being delivered from their bondage and finding a way out for their burdened lives. All the tears and anguish shared with them are worthwhile and rewarding.
I hope once the lives of majority if not all of our compatriots are transformed, it would give the future democratic development of our country a better platform. Freedom of speech and upholding of human rights can only be done when people regain the sense of complete security for nurturing true mutual acceptance despite of differences.
May the hand of God keep doing His life transforming work in China so that our mother country will be restored back to her initial status as God's Land 5000 year ago. And may more people having received the top line blessings of God be mobilized to bring the bottom line blessings to every people groups in all corners of our mother land.
Finally, may my Journey of Bereavement end where it is because of the long lasting hope that we could see in the real life transformation of people hearts for good in China.
(*1) 中國犀利Gag﹕china與敏感瓷(明報)2011年1月6日 星期四 05:05
【明報專訊】我們來自景德鎮，那裏盛產杯具和餐具，最著名的就是敏感瓷。我們還分官窑和民窑，官窑專出敏感瓷，民窑盡出杯具。（註﹕普通話「瓷」與「詞」同音、「杯具」與「悲劇」同音，「餐具」與「慘劇」近音。）
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